Where Confidence Actually Comes From (Especially When You Don’t Feel It)

By: Jenny Swanson, Ed.D., LICSW, LCSW, CMPC

There’s this moment a lot of riders have after time away from the saddle.

Maybe it’s after an injury. Maybe it’s after a long winter at home. Maybe it’s after life just… got busy.

You get back on and your first thought is:

“I don’t feel confident.”

And then the spiral starts...

I’m out of practice.

I should feel better than this.

Why do I feel nervous? Why can't I do this?

Let me say this very clearly:

Your riding ability did not change. Your feeling did. And confidence? It does not come from a feeling. It comes from where you choose to source it.

The 4 Real Sources of Confidence

When riders say “I don’t feel confident,” what they actually mean is: “I’m looking for confidence in the wrong place.”

Here’s where confidence actually comes from:

1) Past performance (successes, lessons, and practice)

Confidence is memory. It’s every lesson you’ve taken. Every round you’ve jumped. Every mistake you’ve learned from. Every time you figured something out. Even if that was last season or last year. That experience did not disappear just because you haven’t ridden in a few weeks. You don’t lose skill. You lose the familiar feeling of using it. Those are not the same thing.

2) Verbal feedback from coaches, trainers, and people you trust

Sometimes your confidence has to be borrowed. Your trainer saying, “You rode that outside line well, know remember to get him back on landing!" or “Keep going, that is the right canter, just relax and stay smooth!" A lot of times we remember the negative or corrections - the get him back, relax, stay smooth. Don't forget to take in the posititives too! Your trainer just said that canter was great! That outside line - good! That is verbal reassurance that you did it correctly and confidently. Awesome! Remember that!

3) Watch riders you look up to in your division/age group

This one is sneaky powerful. Watching someone you admire ride and realizing:

“They’re human too.”

They chip. They miss. They get nervous. They circle. And they keep going. Confidence grows when you realize you don’t need to be perfect to be capable.

4) Physiological feedback — how your body feels

This is the one that trips riders up the most.

You feel:

• shaky

• tight

• nervous

• adrenaline

• butterflies

And you label it:

“I’m not confident.”

But those sensations are not evidence that you’re incapable. They are evidence that you care. Your body is preparing you to perform. You are interpreting readiness energy as lack of confidence. Same sensation. Different story.

If You Haven’t Ridden or Shown in a While…

You cannot source confidence from “recent rides” because there aren’t any. So you have to pull from the other places.

You can use your inner coach to tell yourself:

• I have years of experience

• People I trust believe in me

• I’ve watched riders like me do this

• My body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do

That is confidence. Even if you don’t feel it.

“Ready” Is Not a Feeling

This is the part no one tells riders. You will never feel ready.

You can feel:

• motivated

• content

• prepared

• excited

• energized

But “ready” is not a feeling. Ready is a decision. You decide you’re ready because you showed up. Because you tacked up. Because you got on. Because you’re here. That’s what ready is.

To Build Confidence, You Have to Do It Uncomfortably

This is the part riders try to skip. They want to feel confident before they do the thing. That’s backwards. You feel scared. You do it anyway. Then you feel prepared. You feel uncertain. You ride anyway. Then you feel certain. You don’t wait for confidence. You create it by moving through discomfort.

So if you’re getting back in the saddle and thinking…

“I don’t feel like myself.”

Good!!

That means you’re exactly where confidence is built. Not when it’s easy. Not when it’s familiar, but when you decide:

“I’m riding anyway.”

Follow me for more!

Email: jennyswanson.licsw@gmail.com

Website: jennyswansonlicsw.com 

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Disclaimer: All information shared on this page is for educational and informational purposes only. The information shared here does NOT constitute as therapy or as medical advice and does not establish any kind of patient-client relationship. A patient-client relationship with you is only formed after we have expressly entered into a written agreement that you have signed including our fee structure and other terms to represent you in a specific matter. Although I strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for any kind of professional advice and you should not rely solely on this information.